Friday, March 2, 2018

Dear Heart

We have a teenager today.

Anna is 13.

While today is a little atypical from our usual birthday celebrations, it is and will continue to be a big day.

Sitting alone in a downtown Chicago hotel room as I write and reflect on my first day of being some one's mommy is a strange space to be. However, I find this space in being alone in my thoughts allows for good reflection, feeling #allthefeels. As I think about that 36 hour endeavor 13 years ago, and the last 13 years- as cliche as it sounds- these years have flown by.

You guys, our Anna is pretty amazing. When I tell people I have six kids, I always lead with the caveat that I have the most helpful big kids a big family could have, and it starts at the top.

Anna was born older. Born exactly on her due date, she was almost nine pounds, never losing any of her birth weight during those first tender days. She walked early, talked early, read early, reasoned early. I don't know if that's just a sweet symphony of her development or personality or if she just rose to the occasion as more and more little Webels joined her in the ranks.

Regardless, this kid, this teenager, is one with great potential. On a birthday, you can't help but reflect on those tender toddler days. First day of kindergarten. First basketball game. First cattle show.

But as I think about those days I had at home with my little Anna, I can't help but feel this burst of pride and excitement for the next chapter. While society wants us to think that teenagers are difficult and dark, Anna is has brought so much happiness and light in our life. Those first years are sweet and exhausting and exciting, but just in the past year, our girl has proven to be thoughtful, thought-provoking, inquisitive in a mature way, responsible in more than just the "do your homework" way.

Anna is different from our other kids. A bit more of an introvert, she is also extremely funny, super smart and driven without being overly competitive. While her goals include exceeding in judging, starting in sports, and winning the state discus title, she knows that her worth is more than those titles. Her walk in her faith just recently has given our whole family a new light inside.

See? This kid is powerful.

Anna, we treasure you. We truly do. Your life is one that will continue to surprise, impress and challenge us.

13 years ago, I was excited to be your mom, excited to start that journey. 13 years later, same day, I'm still feeling that excitement.

Dear heart, you are tender hearted. While your character is strong, life is hard. Please know that we want you to experience the hard, but to know that we are always the soft spot to land.
Dear heart, we have you in our house for just five more years. Every day I watch you as you make your own lunch, practice your guitar, ask me or your sisters to sing along, work your calves, know that I am watching you, cheering you on, valuing every minute we have together.
Dear heart, we love you. Dearly. Truly. Always.

Happy, happy birthday to our sweet #1 girl, Anna Grace. Our teenager. The one who started this all, set the bar high and keeps us going.

Love,
Mom





Tuesday, February 20, 2018

42 Was Hard, 43 Will Be Stronger

Well friends, it's a big day around here. The big guy, Farmer Joe, has a birthday. While he's not a gift guy...ummmmm...ask him about his NEW SOCKS...42 is a year that needs to be celebrated.

That it's over.

42 was a hard one. Joe had some employment shifts around here. He had some hard conversations. He had some pretty significant health issues that can cause you to really re-evaluate nearly every decision made in one's life.

But, guess what? He MADE it. We made it.

And 42, you're done, and we're stronger because of it.

42 was the year of the "scare." Without going into the whole story, Joe could have died. His "widowmaker" artery was 90% (is that even right? That seems like a lot.) blocked. If he would have adhered to my "suck it up and go for a walk" advice (I NEVER claim to be a doctor.), he could have never come back.

I spent the better part of the beginning of year 42 being upset. Our life was in upheaval. I felt like we had too much of everything and too little of everything else. But when a health scare, a significant one like this comes in front of you, you tend to worry less about the kitchen countertops and the bedroom furniture and focus on what is truly valuable.

Life.

Life, my friends.

If you're a believer in God like I am, you believe that He is a healer and has a plan. I don't always agree with that plan (see the months of February-May of 2017), when you look back, you see the good in the upheaval. You find the answer in what seemed like was unknowns.

43 is Joe's next year, and as I place candles on Joe's Texas cake tonight (THANK YOU MAMA!!), I will not only thank God for Joe's 43 years before this one, but will give thanks to the next 43 or 53 or whatever we have together.

I am nearly in tears sitting here writing this. Tears of  joy that we get to navigate the ick and the good and the sad and the hard together, but also that I didn't lose you. WHAT WOULD I WRITE ABOUT IN THIS BLOG??? Ha.

So as you wear your very practical new socks, know that while my present was not fancy, your presence is a gift to me today. Thank you God for blessing us with Farmer Joe who teaches the value of hard work, rest when necessary and a good, old fashion pun. Thank you for allowing our girls to still work cattle with their dad who stands today healthier and more aware of what's important. I am blessed to have a little boy who tosses a ball and walks pasture with his daddy. I am thankful for a husband who took a leap of faith into a new career that will not only provide for our family, but allow space for us to BE a family.

Happy birthday, my sweet Farmer Joe. May you enjoy many more years of a happy ticker and some ribs and Texas cake...but only once in awhile. I'm still your nutritional boss, you know.

Love you.

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Sunday, January 21, 2018

"It's Like Charlotte's Web, Mom."

So today is a big day around here.

We have been showing cattle for four years. That first year, we started with one picture in our head of how we would always have access to a barn. With our transition out of that operation, we had to quickly shift. For three years, we have been so grateful for our friend's barn down the road. While it always came with a warm welcome and was a hospitable space, it was never super convenient. Chores had to be done with a parent in a car...not the easiest feat when it was nap time or dinner time.

Since our kids have continued to show, we have wished and prayed and cursed for a space on our farmstead for our calves to be near. So our kids could be those farm kids that walk out the door in their pajamas and chore boots to do those quick chores. So our kids could be those farm kids who don't have to have a driver's license to get to the barn.

Today, that day has come. My parents and uncle and grandpa have been working and figuring out and agreeing to this space for us. It's a tricky spot where we are.

You see, where we live is the heart of the farm. Thanks to a lovely tornado over 20 years ago, the barn lot was blown away. Furthermore, "our" barn lot is actually my grandpa's. We own our house and the land around it, but otherwise, we're pretty much landlocked by fields of grain and gravel not owned by us. Over the years, it has morphed into a communal space.  My dad's semi is parked in the shed. The main pieces of equipment are here. It's the space where the hunters meet, but also is where our kids play, where we live.

If you were to look at our house's footprint, an untrained eye to what is necessary for cattle might assume to "put a fence here" or "put a shed there" (these are words I have said).

It's not that simple. There's water. There's power. There's shade. There's flies to consider and smells.

Many, many days last summer as we waited (sometimes) patiently for this deal to be sealed, and there were days we thought we would just put and fence here and a shed there and call it a day. While my yard is still bumpy and unlanscaped from our remodel (fingers crossed for this summer!), I wasn't necessarily asking for THAT type of fence when I requested a space to be fenced in.

So TODAY IS A BIG DEAL, MY FRIENDS.

BIG. DEAL.

Just about a quarter mile from our house, six head of show calves are taking up residence. The power guys came on Friday and by Saturday afternoon, Joe and the girls were hauling bales and readying water for Lil' Sebastian, Tommy Fresh, Pandy, Queen B and two others I can't remember the names of BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN SO FAR AWAY.

While the logistics of this makes life so exciting, the experience is what I cannot wait to see unfold.

As we were chatting on the way to church today about the excitement of the barn, a little voice piped up from the way back.

"It's like Charlotte's Web, Mom."

The idyllic picture of farm life, the stereotype that I have spent a lot of time rolling my eyes at, writing blogs that proclaim we are NOT like, is the picture my kids have wished for.

Isn't that just the way life is?

Oh the irony...

The wish list for the barn is long. There are things still that are just "fine" for now, but will be corrected sooner and some later. The kids want pigs. They want barn cats. Amelia wants desperately to show rabbits over cows. They want to walk down by themselves and talk to the animals as they do their work after a day at school. The quiet, sweet smelling barn is what farm kids are supposed to experience, and until today, we haven't had that without a lot of wrangling and who's going and who's not and who's too little and who's napping.

So, yes, today is a big day. As the sun goes down, there's muddy boots on my freshly mopped porch (gah), but there are happy kids and a really, really, really happy dad chatting in the basement about chores.

No big deal over here, we're just dreaming of pigs and cows and maybe an amazing spider. Because, we dreamt of a barn some day and here we are. Why not shoot for "Some Pig?"