Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Mixed Bag

What is wrong with me?

I have been living...surviving the last few years of having small children at home, all the time for this day to come.

Now, I'm kind of sad.

No, I'm not going back to work.

No, I'm not sending my kids to a boarding nursery school (even though, yesterday, I was considering it).

My two big girls are headed to school on Friday. Both of them. Together.

Although I am super excited for Josie to start her new chapter, and Anna is ready for the big move to second grade, these two are my helpers; they're buddies; they're peas-in-a-pod, despite glaringly obvious differences.

I have overheard a lot of conversations about the bus, about walking into the building, about where to go, lunch, recess, everything. They are both excited, and Anna has taken the responsibility of making sure that Josie knows everything in advance, and I know she'll be there to help her little sister.

Still, these two...

All of my children are obviously special to me, but when we just had the two girls, Joe was still traveling a little for his other job, and we were a threesome. Constantly on the go, we did everything together, and, thankfully, they have carried on that camaraderie, wanting to be with each other, play together, and missing one another when they are apart. With the four kids, we are more of a divide and conquer type of family, or a stay at home, because it's too much for the little ones type of family. Having more than two or even three kids throws a lot of curveballs, both ones you can hit homers off of, as well as those that make you shake your head. My two oldest girls have been able to learn a lot of skills, people skills, life skills because we are part of a big family, and those skills will help Josie push through those big school doors and take on kindergarten like a pro.

So, why am I weepy today? Why do I not have the heart to wake her up, despite the fact that it's nearly an hour past when school would be starting? Why did I want to sell them, strike that, give them all away to anyone passing by yesterday?

It's a mixed bag of emotions I am having, poor Joe, right?

I guess that's parenthood, right? We relish the little moments, hoping to hold on to those memories and not forget, but also pressing forward, pushing through those difficult toddler years, just counting the days until all are in school.

I've always been a "next, please" type of gal. I think I just made Joe nervous again...no worries, my dearest, I'm pretty steadfast in that department... Let me explain: I have always enjoyed the stage in which I am currently residing, but have also always loved planning, thinking, considering the next phase of my life. As a high schooler, I couldn't wait for college, and as a college gal, couldn't wait to be a real adult...that kind of thing.

I think I'm that way with my kids...when they're baby-babies, I can't wait for them to respond, and then to talk and then to walk, but once they start to be kids, I have found that my "next, please" attitude starts to give way to a mom who is screaming for her kids to stop growing up so fast. Anna, independent and confident, used to be a bossy and clingy toddler...I don't miss that, but where's my little girl? She's at my shoulders. Josie, my fuzzy haired spitfire of a baby is now laying out her outfit for the first day and has her bag packed at the door.


Now, I am fortunate to not be out of the baby phase as of yet...lucky me, right...I just had to pull Jack out of the shower in the back bathroom...sigh.

Where was I?

Oh yeah...waxing poetic about my babies growing up.

Anyway, this is not very agricultural today, but don't we all deal in seasons? Farmers deal with the harvest and planting and cattlemen deal with calving and weaning, so do parents. We deal with the sleeplessness and toddler craziness and now school days. They're all great and exciting and bittersweet.

A mixed bag.

1 comment:

  1. So well said. It is a mixed bag. But no regrets - that's my mantra, and I know it's yours, too. Enjoy today, prepare for tomorrow. These kids...they're killing us, but in the best way, right?!